Wedding

As a follow up on a previous journal I wanted to discuss my participant observation at my brother’s wedding. I found it very difficult to realize certain proxemics and kinesics of my own family where noticing the bride’s family was much easier. It is difficult to analyze the culture, or even more difficult your family, because everything is "normal". Right? Maybe not... while it was very normal to me my family may not have been so normal to her family.

I first started my observations in the chapel. When I entered my great uncle sat there in his wheel chair next to his dazed wife. They are both in their mid-eighties but she has aged much more than he has. He smiled,  hugged my dad, 2 sisters, and I. My sister quietly mentioned that they she thought they were really old when she was a little girl but now they looked pretty good. My great uncle gave her a slight smile- one that you give when you don't hear everything someone says. Then he quizzed us to find out which one had celiac disease. I shyly volunteered. I watched the look on his face as he quizzed me. His eyes were beady yet endearing. He pointed his finger straight at me and shaking it back and forth said, "if you follow the diet you will never have any problems." I tried to quick explain my situation but he looked at me softly and said he would talk to me afterwards. Following the temple helpers simple words we were directed to the sealing room. First the back row excited and so it continued to the front row. I noticed as I tried to exit a lady being a little boisterous in her wheel chair. There was a middle aged lady pushing her while she demanded, "turn, turn, turn! Go!," as she tried to slightly swing her body as if to help the wheel chair move. It didn't work to well from my observations. As we reached the sealing room I noticed a division of people I knew and who, I am assuming, the bride knew. The ceremony progressed well and just following we were guided to have parents and grandparents congratulate the coupled followed by family and friends. Parents took a good 10 to 15 minutes to go through the line though it was only my parents and the bride's mom, her dad passed away a couple months previous. My mom tiered up ( it is her last child to get married) and my dad had his usual satisfied expression, which I know means he is extreme ecstatic yet at peace inside. Just a little side note: every time my dad is able to go to the temple with any of his children he is totally and completely happy. My grandpa and himself helped with the reconstruction of the temple ( my dad hanging all the doors, and my grandpa designing where all the emergency sprinkler heads should go, and many other things. Also my dad's worst experience was there. In the women’s dressing room he went to move one of the vanities not realizing the full size mirror placed on top was not bet hung. He watched the mirror come crashing down and shattering everywhere. He thought for sure he would be fired but he wasn't. For all these reasons I presume it is a beautiful, sacred, and memorable place for him).

In continuing my observations, after the parents went through the line no one was going so naturally my sisters and I went because we were in the away. Just as we decide to get up the crazy lady in the wheel chairs and her new servant (an older man) came up behind me. At first I didn't even think about who it was then I heard her wheezing, "they said grandmas go next!!!". She grumbled at the man, "Get in front of them! Grandmas go next!" I gracious stepped aside and the man pushed the grandma past me scraping the edge of the alter. I later learned that her grandma is almost always like this. This is the reason she was not invited to the bridal shower. After the ceremony I was able to gather with my family, and some of my old bishopric and their wives. It was interesting to see who shakes hands and who hugs. One of my old counselors in my ward always has a huge grin and gives me a big huge where my bishop was only a hand shaking kind of person (granted that his is the same bishop that thought it was not permissible to change in front of my best friend). Their wives just offered a gentle smile and hello. Everyone has their own culture or way of doing things.

Though I am not going to detail anymore of the wedding I will say that I notice a definite line between friend and family relationship between the bride and her guests verses her and the groom’s guests. The bride in most instances almost ignored my sisters and I but when it came to her family there was hugging and pictures. Some families just allow themselves to mesh but these two definitely had their division. The proxemics and kinesics between the two families were extremely distanced and uncommunicative.

In my next methods practice I plan to put myself in a situation where I can’t understand the situation as well so I am not as biased. I am planning on going to a Mexican market and see what produce are commonly bought.